Great lines, a little critique.
I think this is a great piece and I don't want to give the impression that I'm faulting it, however there are a few elements that could be improved upon.
Like another reviewer mentioned, the writing is not up to snuff. A missed space in the first sentence alone sets the tone. The actual content of the writing is not creative and seems very amateur.
Also, though the line work in my opinion is near flawless for this style, some of the coloring is dodgy. I am referring primarily to some of the coloring in the water, as well as the lights coming from the structure at the bottom. These lights seem to clash in style with every other element on the page, including other light sources which don't use the same dithered, semi-transparent effect.
Once again, it's a very good, very promising piece and I'd love to see some follow up to it. Hopefully the critique helps.